Singing and Songwriting

 

The above is a song I wrote a few years back titled "Call Waiting". I think it is pretty good, I've gotten compliments throughout the years because of it, and that all makes me feel like I might have some modest success musically. If I could get to a place where I didn't mind the prospect of financial insecurity, where I could say 'to hell with my credit rating!" because I wasn't trying to get a job that demands rigorous economic discipline, I would dive headlong into the starving artist lifestyle and do my best to just rock out all the time. Actually, who am I kidding...I tend to fill the overwhelming majority of my time playing one instrument or another, probably to the detriment of other areas in my life. So I think maybe I'll stop making excuses and instead redouble my efforts with the band, Genre Zero, and also take a little more of a 'what am I doing today to move my musical aspirations further down the line?' approach - as opposed to just jamming out for hours at a time.

I tend to get compliments on my songwriting specifically, although more and more people seem to be impressed by my guitar playing and even (gasp!) my singing - gone, hopefully, are the days when I would get ran out of parties because of my shaky, overreaching voice. So about songwriting - what is that all about? Well, I can describe some of the mechanics that work for me:

Writing a straightforward pop song isn't that technical, although it can certainly take a lot of mental, emotional, and even spiritual work. I say spiritual because a lot of my best stuff seems to just come to me from the æther, although rarely all at once, so I have to practice being in touch with the great flow of life to keep my finger on the muse's pulse. This way I can be working on a song and when the missing pieces come to me, I'll be ready, and have a place to put them. I say it isn't that technical because most of the songs that I write, and many hugely famous hit songs through the ages, are just a few simple chords. Probably 40% of all 'popular' (i.e. not 'classical') music is constructed with 3 or 4 chords repeated in the same pattern, let's say Pattern V for verse, with another 3 or 4 chords or the same verse chords in a different order as the Chorus (Pattern C). Am I making sense? Most songs on the radio are essentially just some variation of:

Verse

Chorus

Verse

Chorus

Even some of the more complicated songs will just have a few additions to this, maybe a Verse 1 and 2 part that are different progressions, and maybe a completely different Bridge section. Even a pretty busy song that I learned recently - "Your Song" by Elton John - is really just five different chord patterns:

Intro                         

V-1, V-2, V-3, V-4

Verse                         

V-1, V-2, V-3, V-4

V-1, V-2, V-3, V-4

Chorus                      

C-1, C-1, V-2, V-4

Verse                         

V-1, V-2, V-3, V-4

V-1, V-2, V-3, V-4

Chorus                      

C-1, C-1, V-2, V-4

Outro                       

V-2, V-4

Each individual pattern is made up of four chords, and most of this song is the four verse patterns, a total of 16 chords played for one measure each. This is similar to the construction of a "16-Bar Blues" song, although it would probably be the same pattern three times and then a different pattern known as the 'turnaround'. This 'turnaround pattern' resolves the song, and can lead into the chorus, another verse, or end the song. You'll notice in "Your Song" that the same chord pattern ends each verse, ends the chorus, and ends the song. The V-3 pattern, also present both verse and chorus, is a really pretty breakdown consisting of B-minor variations ([Bm] [Bm/A] [Bm/Ab] [G]) wherein the chorus Elton sings "...I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words...".

So a pop song is music and lyrics. The music part, as shown, is relatively simple. The words can be more difficult, and finding the appropriate pairing of words to music can be more difficult still. Usually, I'll have the music pretty much down, and then either try to get words worked out, or maybe just hum or sing some nonsense to work out a vocal melody. I have been blessed enough, a handful of times, to come up with it all straight away. There is one song of mine, "Distance Fades", that arrived in my head one morning in Iraq. I knew the whole song at that moment - all of the lyrics, and exactly how the music should sound. Not the chord progressions, I couldn't necessarily just name the notes, but the complete idea. My parents shipped me a guitar which arrived a month or so later, and I immediately played this whole song:

The Loft, continued

Well, I am still feeling fairly uninspired with regards to what exactly to put up here. I feel like my post yesterday got away from me, becoming more of a self-indulgent pity-party than the sharing of wisdom. Of course, that was what the post was about, in a way, so perhaps that is fitting. Now, let us speak of the awesomeness of the loft. Here is the view looking into the bathroom:

 We made that cool sink cabinet from an old piece of furniture; most of the drawers still work and everything. Pretty cool! Here is the main part of the loft:

 It is pretty small, but there is a nice bedroom area, shown above, and then an office / hang out spot at the other end. I have a nice table from my apartment days that is set up in the sitting area of the loft, which is where this cool railing is:

In this picture you can see how the downstairs ceiling has been vaulted up to the loft. It is pretty nifty. There is still a lot of work to do, although it is mainly in that downstairs dining room; the loft is essentially finished, maybe like 97%. We'll be getting on that downstairs work (hopefully) in these next few days. It isn't like I have school to go to or anything! Speaking of which...I need to find some things to get into and occupy my time. Especially a job.

Also, some good inspiration and motivation. Maybe for tomorrow?

Lazy Inspiration

I am feeling a little lazy and uninspired when it comes to writing up a post today. I thought of several topics I could post on, but alas, I don't really feel prepared to do them the justice I feel they deserve. I think it is better to wait and have some pictures and things. Perhaps later in the week I will get to doing those posts: the garden, the finished (mostly) loft, and some bits on menswear.

For today, I want to share some inspiring ideas that I've collected recently:

"Aspire to embody honesty and humility without  guilt or shame"

I hold honesty in high regards. I've often said the truth is never wrong; it may be uncomfortable, even offensive, but if it is really the truth, it is not false or bad. Still, I all too frequently withhold the truth out of fear of some potential backlash. While I tend to think of myself as quite humble, more often than not the truth of my self image is based more on fear of rejection and shame - my humility isn't really genuine, because I am not feeling confident and valuable but not arrogant, I am simply diminishing myself and wallowing in self pity. Not so hot. Speaking of humility:

"Humility is not thinking of yourself as less than others; humility is thinking of yourself less"

So being humble doesn't mean that I have to feel bad about myself, carrying around guilt and shame and regret. That kind of poor self esteem actually makes things worse, as I might try desperately to demonstrate to everyone how I am so much less than they, how they needn't worry about me and my feelings. This is actually really dishonest behavior, coming from a self-serving motive. The 'truth' in those kinds of situations is that I feel bad about myself and look for others to prop me up.

A healthier perspective, I think, would be to have confidence and faith in myself and then, armed with a quiet and sure conviction of my qualities, act from a place of selflessness. With this true humility, it becomes easier to act with true honesty, because if you really are humble and you are aspiring to be fully honest, you don't need to fear the truth.

So let's all go forth and seek the truth without jealousy, shame, or hubris, and without apology...because the truth is never wrong!

Final Finals

As I shuffle around this morning, I am preparing to head up to Westminster College as an undergraduate student for the final time, to take my final final exams. It is pretty surreal. Attending college has been the defining element of my life for the past five years, my primary endeavor after being discharged from the Marine Corps. It has also been quite the struggle, especially these past three years at Westminster. Not because the classes were particularly difficult, although some were, but because other things going on in my life clouded my mind. While performing a repetitive task with which one has some level of skill can still be carried out with some success, even while distracted and unfocused, it is much more involved learning new things in such a state.

I made it!

Still, like I said on my "Last Day of Class" post, I am now entering a new and perhaps even more demanding phase of life: that of the working (hopefully) professional. It is till pretty bleak out there:

These stats seem to suggest that I have only a 74% chance of finding any job, and less than 1/2 of finding a job that actually requires and will utilize my degree. Pretty scary. There is a sunny side, though. This next chart shows that college grads have a lower unemployment rate and greater earnings potential, even if they are a gloomy lot:

Now to push the worries of jobs, salaries, and negative economic outlooks out of my mind and focus on acing these final finals!

Genre Zero

Late last summer, I started trying to put together a group of musicians to play one or two shows. My original idea was to find many different players of different instruments, who could play overlapping and intertwining melodies over some of my acoustic folk-type songs and some newer pieces I had written on the piano. I contacted an Alumnus of my college who I knew played drums, on the off chance that he might be willing to play with my temporary collection of random instruments.

What happened instead was that said drummer got on board completely, as did a fellow songwriter from the neighborhood, and a violinist (although I think she prefers 'fiddler'), and we instead developed a rocking sound that is most frequently described as "punk". I am so thankful to my band members for continuing to rock it out with me; music is what keeps me sane.

You can check out a recording of our first bar gig on SoundCloud. It is pretty decent, especially considering that we didn't intend to record, it just happened that the sound engineer at the bar records everyone that she runs sound for. Also, I am bad about getting pictures. This is the only one I have, from our first show at Peoples' Market, from a part of our set where it was just me and the fiddler:

We should be playing a local eatery, "Sun and Moon Cafe", sometime in the next month or so. Until then...rock on!

Last Day of Class

Yes, that's right. Today is my last day of classes, ever, at least as an undergrad. I am busy finishing up a few last assignments to turn in, nothing too crazy. The VITA Tax office has wrapped up; all told we prepared 175 returns, with just a handful of rejected returns, all of which were corrected and re-filed. We'll be having an end-of-tax-season party tomorrow afternoon, the treat of the professor! After that, I have two final exams on Monday...and then, that is IT!

Woo- Hoo!

Now comes the hard part: finding an employer to hire me and a graduate program to accept me. I am confident that neither will be that big of a problem, but, I am also realistic and expect to have some rejections. I've already discovered the hard way that, unfortunately, I am not considered "Big-4 Accounting Firm" or "Goldman Sachs ultra-corporate" material. Nor do I have the grades to simply step into something awesome like the PhD programs at the local University - did you know that not only are they waiving 100% of tuition and fees for Doctoral Candidates, they are also paying them $20,000 a year? Crazy! But, alas, such heights are not for me I suppose...not yet.

Those worries are at least a little while further out the future, for now, so I'll focus on finishing those assignments, going to class for the last time, and studying for my finals. Wish me luck!

War Story Wednesday: PTSD Misconceptions

Okay, Universe. I think it's time that we cleared up some of the false ideas that have been floating around the public regarding Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Here are two good articles that get the point across better than I probably can, with statistics to back them up:

An article from the Department of Veterans Affairs

A write-up from a police officer suicide-awareness website

Some of the interesting facts from these articles:

*Despite being "trained killers", combat veterans (even those suffering from PTSD) are statistically much less likely to commit any violent crime than general laborers, construction workers, and gang members, who represent the three largest 'groups' to which violent offenders belong.

*As a group, Veterans are less likely to commit a murder than service workers and students.

*There is not a single piece of research to link PTSD to violent behavior; here is a quote from the second article:

"While anger and agitation are common symptoms of PTSD, these feelings tend to be turned inward, contributing to making it the terribly painful disorder it is. Combined with depression, it is not unusual for the sufferer to become suicidal. But a diagnosis of PTSD, in itself, does not make a person violent towards others. Again, the concern should be more that they will be a danger to themselves, not others."

*PTSD is primarily "fear" based, not "aggression" based. Put another way, the negative manifestations of PTSD are:

1. Flashbacks
   
2. Withdrawal / Isolation
   
3. Emotional Numbing
   
4. Hyper-arousal
   

Flashbacks, contrary to their portrayal in film, are not a psychotic break wherein the person loses touch with reality and believes they are back in combat or re-living their trauma. Flashbacks are much more subtle, and usually consist of a sense-memory (e.g. a smell or sound) that was present at the trauma unexpectedly intruding into the brain. Withdrawal and isolation are feelings of being distant or cut off from other people, be they close loved ones, or society in general. Here there again exists a big misconception, that this feeling of distance and disparity equates to viewing other people as 'the enemy'. Emotional numbing is not like the lack of remorse often equated with sociopaths; rather than feeling little or no empathy, the traumatized person feels too much, and will attempt to either avoid emotional situations entirely, to numb themselves with drugs or alcohol, or to choke their emotions down and ignore them. The traumatized person is not an unfeeling monster, they avoid feelings as a defense mechanism. Finally, hyper-arousal is a state of being constantly on guard, easily startled, tightly-wound...again, it is fear based. The person suffering from PTSD is on guard because they are afraid.

I think that as a generalized "class" or "group", traumatized veterans have much more in common with rape victims than with dangerous criminals. I am not saying that I am a victim; I chose to serve, and I volunteered for many dangerous missions. I am trying to say that my prolonged exposure to danger and my difficulties coping have led me to avoid violence and distress, not to seek it out. I am an even more peaceful person now, trying to diffuse anger and aggression, not create it.

To sum it all up, we veterans risked our lives to protect the ones we love. We gave up a part of our freedom, exposed our bodies and hearts to mortal peril, so that our fellows could live free and unafraid. Some of us never came home, and some of us that did are still struggling to understand and move past what we saw, what we did, what we lost. I would never presume to speak for all of my brothers and sisters in arms, but I served this nation and the Marine Corps with the highest virtue I could summon and the purest of intent, and I believe that my brother and sister Marines did the same. We believed in the Marine Corps motto: Semper Fidelis, meaning 'always faithful'. I did not give so much to shield you all from harm, to keep your lives free of danger and fear, just to come back and be perceived as a source of danger and fear. I am not an aggressor - I have always been, and shall always remain, a faithful defender.